Who Killed The Music-Video Star?

In 1981, MTV began and the very first aired music video was by The Buggles called “Video Killed The Radio Star.” What soon followed throughout the decade were some of the most beautifully bad music videos known to man. Sadly, in today's world MTV has pretty much dropped the M and I don't know if even MTV2 plays music videos anymore. I'm not even sure there still is an MTV2. Come to think of it do they still make music videos for artists nowadays? Well, I guess it doesn't matter because they will never make 'em like they made 'em in the 1980s. These are 5 of the most awesomely bad music videos ever created...The Totally Rad 80s Edition!

5. "Somebody's Watching Me" by Rockwell (1984)

Is that...Michael Jackson singing on the chorus? Oh yeah, you better believe it! And Jermaine Jackson is also there too singing on the backing vocals, but who really cares about that besides Jermaine. We're talking Michael “Moonwalking” Jackson! So you're thinking this must be great right? And then you see the video. If there is one thing that will always work when making a music video it's making it into a horror movie. Hey, it worked for Thriller! Rockwell is being stalked by someone or something and the camera angle is from the point of view of the intruder who seems to always perv on Rockwell while he is in the shower. But thank God Rockwell always showers with his shorts or whatever that is he is wearing. Zombies, flying ravens, dogs wearing pig masks- this video has it all! R.I.P. Rockwell 1984 - 1984. 

4. "Land of Confusion" by Genesis (1986)

So think Sesame Street meets the Beatles "Yellow Submarine". Jim Henson at a Deadhead concert. The Muppets dropping lots, and lots, and lots of acid. Ronald Reagan as a puppet tripping out, kissing chimpanzees, and riding around on a triceratops is all you really need to know. Plus the amount of famous people that were parodied as puppets in this videos is astounding. From Margaret Thatcher to Florence Henderson. Literally every single person who was alive in 1986.

With the way this list is going so far I guess the only question I can ask is...Are you furious yet?

If not, you will be!

3.  "The Message" by Grandmaster Flash and The Furious Five (1982)

To be a man in the 1980s you had to rock the denim unapologetically. I'm talkin' denim jeans, denim hat, denim jacket with the tassels on the shoulders, denim underwear if you could find it. Let's be honest here, fashion in the 80s was...simply the best. I mean there was no beating it and everything has remained just timeless since then. Even as I type this I am wearing an over-sized Frankie Says Relax T-shirt and some Day-Glo pajama pants. This music video has it all from a fashion standpoint. The videos special effects (including the slow motion fades and picture in picture) are equally as timeless. Enjoy the guy in the background at the 3:44 mark -who seems to be posing perfectly still for some clay modeling body sculpture class or something- he is a personal fave of mine for this video. To be fair the lyrics of the song were pretty socially conscious for the time, and the video is also very representative for 1982. I wouldn't want it any other way!

2.  "Down Under" by Men at Work (1981)

Australia may never recover from this song/video. And why should they want to? It's an amazing way to go out I think. This is one of those videos where every lyric spoken in it has a visual. 6' 4 guy full of muscles, vegemite sandwich, a fried-out combie, EVERYTHING! All that is said is seen, which is perfect for when you are watching a music video full of Australian stereotypes and desert dancing. 

And now an 80s Casio Keyboard drum roll for the #1 Awesomely Bad 80s Music Video...

"There are 106 miles to Chicago. We have a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses." -Elwood Blues from the movie The Blues Brothers (1980)

1.  "Sunglasses at Night" by Corey Hart (1983)

This is really a two-for-one here. A (if not THE) most awesomely bad 80s music video of all time, and also a pretty awesomely bad song as well. This video truly is the crème de la crème, I mean it is flawless. Where do I start with this video? The appearing sunglasses, which then disappear, only to reappear I thought was a pretty amazing trick. This crazy futuristic evil army which is desperately hunting down and throwing Corey Hart into jail was also a welcomed treasure. But the real joy is the slow motion closeups of Corey singing in agony and at times...lust? And Hart's sideways shoulder bobbing dance were just the stuff dreams are made of. 

-Who Killed The Music-Video Star? Quite possibly these five music videos. Goodbye 1980s, we'll always have your awesomely bad music videos to remember you by!